Who really keeps their New Year’s resolutions?

BE IT RESOLVED...

Oh, good grief.

When has anybody really kept a New Year’s resolution past the first two weeks in January?

I, like a lot of folks, put off my diet until the first of the year so I can dive into those wonderful cookies and cakes and pies that I have no defense for in November and December.

Really? Go cold turkey? Hmmm that reminds me....do I still have a can of cranberry sauce on the shelf?

I have to do things gradually, like drop from 5 cookies a day to 4 to 3. You get the picture.

The best diet plans say to go through your pantry and throw out all those temptations. So, recently I stocked up on chips and dip and other unhealthy stuff in anticipation of “snacking” while I watch the Clemson playoff game.

I resolve not to clean out my pantry and/or refrigerator until the game is over by a day or so. You see, if we win, there has to be a celebratory chow-down. If we lose, I plan to drown my sorrows in onion dip.

Throwing out all those newly-purchased items would be a terrible waste of money, too. It would be just a sin to chunk it in the trash can (although all fresh stuff could go to the Food Bank).

Maybe I’ll keep it just a day or two longer.

Once I do decide to clear out the pantry, I will have to check the expiration date on cans and jars.

I had a nasty reality check of how long I keep stuff on the shelf when I found a can with an expiration date of 2012 on it.

Ick.

That forced me to also do a check of my medicine cabinet. Oldest item was some suntan lotion dating to 2009. It was tan but wasn’t supposed to be.

Double ick.

I guess I will have to change my ways in 2017.

Until then, pass the dip.